The last book I read by Don DeLillo was “White Noise”. I was in college, reading college-type books and “White Noise” was one of them. I believe I read in conjunction with “Generation X” by Douglas Coupland. All that aside, I haven’t thought about DeLillo’s writing in some time. I bought his new book “Falling Man” and it did not disappoint.

As a law student my reading on the side has been embarrassingly limited to reading online celebrity gossip sites and US Weekly. Laugh if you like and point your finger at what materials I have used as my escapist mind candy. I cringe at the thought but feel no reason to pretend otherwise. Would you respect me more if I told you I also read the Economist, Harper’s and Popular Science? Would it help you understand why I read US Weekly if I gave an in depth explanation of my twisted socio-psychological research motives? Well, it shouldn’t. I am not the sum of what I read and there is no distinct formula to what has contributed to my mentality. I digress (as I tend to do).

Recently I finished my exams and finally faced two weeks of unbridled luxury and play. All “me” time. Or so I mistakenly thought. Instead I became very ill and bed-ridden. Hey who wouldn’t chose the latter Proustian laternatives when faced with those attractive polar opposite options?! During this time, I read an Esquire book review on DeLillo’s new book “Falling Man”. With it many thoughts have followed. None which I think I can capture in this rambling presently but here is a feeble first attempt.

An Aside: “How does a Mici Monster begin to read a men’s magazine?” you may ask. I blame a flight I took to L.A. several months ago. I forgot to bring a book and grabbed an Esquire Magazine to read on the plane - for the articles, not just the delicious men in the Gucci ads. (Ironically, I got drunk at the airport bar with an adorable young man anxious to see his boyfriend in La La Land. We laughed at the fact that I may soon know more about men’s suits than most men). Eventually, I was bored enough to actually read the rag and surprise! I considered upgrading from US Weekly to Esquire Magazine. A good switch I must admit for many reasons I won’t go into here, today.

Back to the book review I read. As sick as I was, the review I read in Esquire prompted me, no compelled me to drag myself out of bed, go downtown to Stacey’s bookstore and buy the hard cover book. I have never done that before. I couldn’t wait 9-12 months for the paperback to come out. What was it about that review, at that moment, that made me feel like I couldn’t wait to have that book? Did I want to judge for myself? Or did I suddenly crave the confirmation of my personal alienation which DeLillo captures so well? Was I jonesing for new D.D. concepts and phraseology such as “organic shrapnel”? I have no idea. For all my unawareness of my inner workings the day I ran out sickly to buy an unwieldy book I could barely afford, it is becoming clearer to me as I read “Falling Man”.

First, it addresses a topic, an event, that to me like the word “feminism” has taken on a contrary andconflicting connotation. I make the parallel despite obvious differences. The instance of a movement’s or event’s backlash that changes meanings completely. For example, “feminist”: instead of the positive connection of an endeavor seeking equal rights for women for many has morphed into an image angry pissed off lesbian man-haters. The new image, while incorrect in definition or meaning, prevails. Now what does “9/11″ mean to me? To you? What did it used to mean to me? To you? Do you even remember?

To me “9/11″ has felt like a dirty word for some time. I was not too aware of it until recently. It makes me cringe. It brings to mind political manipulations of a tragedy used to wage a devastating, futile war and to erode fundamental civil rights. So much so, that I had forgotten about the socio-psychological impact and emotional imprint that such an event leaves on a people. I have tried to recall how I felt about it initially, the following year and so on. In an attempt to retrace the shift in meaning, I have recalled so much more about the workings of language, politics, ideology, relationships, … . Strangely, I feel like I faced some things I had avoided such as feeling small, alienated, unable to impact this system that perpetuates those feelings… I will leave it at that.

Therefore, I won’t give you my review of “Falling Man” nor will I confess the way it moved me intellectually and emotionally but I think you should consider reading this book. And just to let you know, I am giving up my subscription to US Weekly and substituting it with Esquire. At minimum, I will know how to pick a better suit than you for the “great fall”.