The Cure All
Tired of people feeding you lines? Work got you stressed out? Here is a cure to relieve these problems with a tried and true method. The key ingredient coaxes you into a deep state of relaxation, much deeper than states achieved through meditation. The medical profession often refers to this state as “death.”

This revolutionary “drug” cures lack of faith, boredom in the sack, narcissism, thinly veiled misogyny, gout, Alzheimer’s, dementia, amnesia, stupidity, teen angst, banality, anorexia, bulimia, dysentery, the plague, blindness, motion sickness, fruitsicle brain freeze, common colds, cramps, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, diarrhea, malnutrition, herpes, hepatitis (all varieties), diabetes, gonorrhea, bad manners, bad breath, bed-wetting, traffic jams, drug addiction, swelling, hangnails, gunshot wounds, sweaty palms, itchy or watery eyes, sties, pink eye, color blindness, charley horses, forgetfulness, dyslexia, poor LSAT scores, constipation, webbed toes, bad memories, cat scratch fever, erectile dysfunction, annoying accents, hiccups, delusions of grandeur… AND MORE!!!